Kufur atau Syukur

Kita sebenarnya terlalu mengira-ngira akan segala kekurangan kita.... tidak melihat kepada segala nikmat yang banyak yang Allah kurniakan kepada kita. Jarang sekali kita duduk memerhatikan segala nikmat Allah... tapi kita boleh sahaja duduk berjam-jam melihat segala kekurangan dalam kehidupan kita. Kita boleh sahaja duduk di atas sofa di dalam rumah sambil mengira-ngira apa lagi kah yang tiada dalam rumah kita.... satu persatu kita senaraikan.... kemudian dengan sendirinya, rasa stress mula bertandang di dalam hati. Kita boleh sahaja duduk merenung wajah suami kita, sambil mengira-ngira segala kekurangan yang ada pada dirinya.... Banyak..... pasti banyak yang akan kita temui kekurangan didalam rumah kita dan pada suami kita.... Ya Allah, kufur nikmatnya kita-kita ini.
Cuba kita duduk sambil melihat-lihat & catitkan pulak segala nikmat yang Allah kurniakan buat kita... bukankah kita mempunyai sofa yang cantik, yang harga ratusan ataupun mungkin ribuan ringgit.... segala kelengkapan …


Alhamdullillah dah hari 20 Ramadhan. Tapi sayang last Monday dah tergelincir, sedar tergelincir pun ketika nak solat maghrib.... was hoping that kegelinciran tu terlewat sikit, maklumlah puasa... tp seperti biasa, dot on the day & time.... 
Sunday tu seperti biasa attended kuliah dhuha.... and Ustazah was talking about akhir-akhir Ramadhan.... anyway ustazah Norhafizah ni, whatever she said will always hit the right sport.... kiranya bull's eye lah....sebabnya, kalau ustazah bercakap, memberi nasihat, memang wajib airmata aku mesti mengalir, kadang sampai teresak-esak, kadang tu meleleh je... Ustazah siap membebel pasal memenuhi malam2 akhir ini dengan amal ibadat sepenuhnya..... kurangkan tido..... 
So i was like, yes ... full of energy & spirit... memang bersemangat sungguhlah..... malam tu while having supper with Mr Hubby, was telling him how i feel & i am really going to do it to fulfill the last days of Ramadhan ini sepenuhnya..... Really i manage to sleep for 1 ho…


Today is the 10th day of Ramadhan already..... Surprisingly, it did not go as i planned. I planned not to cook & only buy nasi kerabu from Pasar Ramadhan... but from day 1 till today, i have yet step my foot at Pasar Ramadhan.... surprisingly, i cook simple food at home. Alhamdullillah, so far everything goes well for the other thing.... as planned but better this time around. 


I am lost suddenly I look around me its empty
I am lost searching for something when dunya is concern couldn't find the thing which i don't even know what i am looking for
I am lost in my own thoughts feeling hopeless and useless surrounded by things which i am not really sure what really matters
I am lost surrounded by people around me my eyes are open but I am blind I am seeing  but nothing i could see
I am lost hearing so many voices  but i am deaf trying to speak but no words come out
I am lost still thinking why when everything seems fine and goes smoothly
I am lost and why???


Yesterday, for the 1st time ever, tried to make aglio olio as requested by Mr Hubby. We were talking about it last week, that hubby love eating aglio olio & carbonara.... so reached home after work (reached home, hubby already infront of the house, greeting me with his sweet smiles & his usual funny comments), i immediately run to the kitchen, took the durians from the fridge, peel mangoes & start cooking. First round fry the garlic it was burnt, because while stirred the garlic, i was reading the receipe.... Trying my best to ensure it taste good. I already boiled the pasta in the morning to save the cooking time in the evening. 
When hubby taste it, first comment, he said a bit dry, oil should be more.... the portion is too big for the ingredients.... so must try again next time... maybe tonite will try again.  
Next one carbonara, not sure weather hubby will like my kind of carbonara.


Alhamdullillah, my 1st born grandson is 4 today.... He is an active & smart boy.... alhamdullillah.... I am really blessed with this precious gift from Allah. I don't have a son, so this little boy means a lot to me.... I have big dream for him.... I pray to Allah, may my little grandson will always under his protection, guidance & he is bless with iman & taqwa.... Actually i really wants him to be a Hafiz.... i really hope Allah will answer my prayers. 
This little one, i do spoil him, but at the same time, i am quite strict with him.... but most of the time, looking at those little eyes, his sweet little smile.... take my breath away..... 
Happy birthday my darling, my little angel, my sweetest apple pie.

Crazy thoughts

Have you ever asked yourself, why my life like this, not like that.... I used to ponder around these kind of questions, wondering why.... questions like:-
1) Why i didn't study really hard & get good result during my SPM & goes to university just after form 5?
2) Why did i got married so early to my x & not someone else who used to woo me at that time?
These two questions, i used to asked myself, because that particular moment, was the beginning of my life....
For the two questions, i combine the answers myself.... somehow these two are related definitely and these two leads to where i am today...
If i study hard & get good result during my SPM, after SPM i might being studying overseas (my aim at that time to study in NZ). Than, i will not meet my x and i will not have my dearest beautiful daughter, i will not have my two beautiful grandson. And i will not meet my dearest husband.... (this could spare all the heartache for so many year, waiting for him...huhuhu). I mig…